I remember being with someone who I swore up & down I could help change but instead it only sucked the life out of me in the process. I was so focused on helping him that I lost sight of me & what God was trying to do in my life. I knew deep down it was time to let go but I refused to. I felt I could speed up the process by “helping” God. I would ask family & friends to pray for him. I would send him links to all these different sermons/messages I found on YouTube. Send him scriptures. I would pray & negotiate with God – Yes! I said negotiate – I would tell God I’d do this or that if only He would change his heart & help him see things for what they truly were but the one who needed to see things for what they were & who needed a heart change was ME!! Of course my ex did also but I was much more concerned about him that I didn’t realize how I needed to focus on me & my relationship with God. Here I was entertaining a relationship that I clearly knew (but refused to accept) wasn’t pleasing God.
Let me back track to a little over a year before the relationship came to an end (which was about 3 years into the relationship), I had felt strongly in my heart that it was best for us to abstain from sex & we did. It was a strong conviction that I could not shake off. Of course my ex wasn’t a fan of it but we both agreed this would honor God & would make us stronger plus he would say, “I love you & I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy”. However, a year later I began to see some changes – the lies were becoming more frequent & suddenly he claimed he wasn’t the man for me & needed to let me go. Of course he wasn’t. I knew that but I refused to accept it. He knew that too but he dragged me along until he found someone “worth” leaving me for. I wouldn’t be surprise if he was sleeping with other women & that was why he was “okay” with us not having sex. He didn’t have a heart for God so how could he love me & respect me the way I expected him to?!? He faked it until he couldn’t any longer. He joined the men’s ministry, got baptized & even attended church twice a week – he had me going which was why I felt it was my responsibility to “bring” him back to Jesus.
I truly believed he was in it for all the right reasons but it was all a front. He did all these things but his heart wasn’t in it for the right reasons & this is what God was trying to show me time & time again. God knows the hearts of each of us regardless of how we like to portray ourselves as. This is not to justify any of his actions because he was wrong for many of his decisions that caused me a lot of hurt BUT I had myself to blame for entertaining a relationship I knew I had no business entertaining.
That’s the thing – Sometimes we are so afraid of being alone or deal with the temporary heartache that we would rather stay in a relationship & settle only to suffer the consequences of those decisions that we could have avoided had we been wiser which end up feeling like an eternity. God will never force us to make a decision we aren’t willing to make on our own but He will continue to allow us to crash into this brick wall that has only done nothing but hinder us because He loves us that much.
As a mother, I would never want to see my son hurt or heading down the wrong path but if he chooses not to listen & take my advice, I will need to let him realize the hard way. Not because I don’t care but because I DO. And if the hard way is the only way he’ll learn then that’s what needs to happen.
We will try to make sense of it & think of ways to go around it but we can never compete with God! He knows BEST. His ways & His thoughts are much HIGHER than our own. We must be willing to seek more of Him & surround ourselves with people who will draw us closer to God, not pull us away from Him! Surround ourselves with people who will be courageous enough to speak God’s truth in love even if it doesn’t feel good hearing it. At times we isolate ourselves from those people that love us enough to call us out on our sin but we don’t want to hear it so we stay away from them. That’s we do God & it only delays our blessings.
I encourage you to take some time & reflect on your own life. Reflect on the decisions you’ve been making. Have they been honoring God? Or self? Is your relationship honoring God or are you holding on to someone you know you have no business holding on to? I’m not saying God isn’t capable of changing someone’s heart or that the person you’re with isn’t the one for you & maybe the person your with truly wants to change his or her ways but doesn’t know how to – then seek for spiritual counseling. Don’t continue being each other’s stumbling block. Maybe God needs you to part ways & allow God to work in both of your hearts individually. And if it’s meant to be, it’ll be! Trust the process but most importantly trust God IN the process & may HIS will be done!
Until next time, many blessings & much love! – XO
Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape or form a relationship expert nor do I ever want to come off as if I know it all because clearly I do not. However, I’ve learned a whole lot from the MANY poor choices & WRONG turns I’ve made throughout my life as I’m sure many of us have. My hope in sharing my thoughts, perspective & experiences on this blog is to help you look within & recognize that you do not need to figure this thing called “life” on your own & how we have an amazing God who is gracious & available to help us on this journey if only we are willing to turn to Him & allow Him to have His way. His grace is sufficient & His strength is made PERFECT in our weaknesses meaning when we are weak, He is STRONG & MIGHTY to do the “impossible”.