As I was on my way home from work today, I was reflecting on my life these days. I was debating on whether or not I should pull over to make a video or just wait to get home to post on my blog. In the midst of it, one of my close friends who I love dearly messaged me & I felt led to share my thoughts with her. After she listened to my message on WhatsApp, she shared what a blessing it was to her & I give God all of the glory. If you believe this post blesses you, please don’t hold back from sharing it with others who could possibly be blessed by it too.
While at home, my husband decided to play this song on YouTube (Casting Crowns – Be Held) & he shared with me how he had been playing this song all day at work. It so happened to be a song that God used to comfort me when I felt the most alone & heartbroken a few years ago. I remember thinking that everything was just falling apart & I was tired of being strong. The song comforted me & encouraged me to let go & allow God to embrace me in His arms & help me get through this storm with His strength, not my own – because although things seemed like they were falling apart, they were actually falling into place.
It also brought me back to one of the last time I was with my ex who at the time was still my boyfriend but I knew that we were reaching the end of our relationship. – [I’m sure many of you might be asking, “Why does she continue to talk about her past relationship if she’s happily married?” – I get it & I understand why you might be asking this question. I am happily married to a man who is confident & secure. A man who knows his identity in Christ & how much I love him. A man who has a testimony of his own & who God has used & continues to use as an instrument to bless so many people. I’m beyond grateful to be married to my best friend who encourages me never to hold back anything God places on my heart to share & for that I salute him.
The relationship with my ex lasted 4 years & I learned SOOO much from it. I believe God allowed me to go through it all for a reason. I am not ashamed nor will I hold back from sharing my story because my testimony could be someone’s lifeline.] – We had innocently laid beside one another & I asked if he could put Kim Walker Smith (a christian singer) on his Pandora on his smart tv. As we listened to the song, I was hoping it would change his heart & lead him back to Jesus. At this point, he no longer believed in Christianity & could care less about having a relationship with God but all this time I had been trying my hardest to convince him how real Jesus was & how amazing it was to have a relationship with Him.
This had gone on for months before the relationship finally ended but I truly believed I could help him get saved. However, in the midst of “helping” him I was being pulled away by his beliefs. I began doubting God’s love for me & questioning my own faith. It was much easier for him to pull me away from God than it was for me to draw him closer to God. I learned that the only person who could change someone’s heart is – Jesus – But they would have to be receptive of it by faith. I genuinely cared for his salvation (& still do) but all I could do was pray & leave it all in God’s hands … instead I kept trying different ways to convince him just like I was doing that night when I asked him to put on that worship song. Deep down in my spirit, I knew this was the end & it killed me inside.
So listening to the song my husband played yesterday just filled my heart with praise & gratitude. This is someone who played this song on his own without me having to ask him or “convince” him of anything. This was God’s way of showing me once again that this relationship & marriage was God’s work. I desired a man of God & God granted the desires of my heart because it aligned with what He wanted for me, it honored him & because I took the time to allow God to be my #1 before he allowed any man to win my heart & become my #2. God had to restore my heart & renew my mind before anything else. I could not be the wife I am today had I not allowed God to have His way in my life when I was single.
Which makes me wonder, how many other people have chosen to stay in a relationship because they’re comfortable, afraid to start over or believe they could eventually change the person they’re with. Many share pics on social media of their relationship but they know deep down it’s all a front & it saddens me. No relationship is perfect & I’m not saying to seek for perfection but let’s even go a step further – let’s remove the spiritual aspect of it all for a moment. Many women (& men) have chosen to stay in a relationship or have chosen to entertain the idea of pursuing something with someone for different reasons all while lowering their standards just to avoid from being alone.
It doesn’t matter to them that they are constantly hanging out & drinking every weekend, doing drugs, doesn’t have a job, still living at home & simply taking life for granted meanwhile they might be doing well for themselves – they have a great career, a car, their own place & whatever else but have CHOSEN to be with someone because of their “potential”, their looks or because the “sex” is good (let’s keep it real) yet they have nothing going for themselves, they don’t make an effort to be in their kids lives, or _____ (fill in the blank). They would rather compromise their own standards & belief KNOWING it’s not benefiting them or helping them grow as a person. This doesn’t just apply to women – but men also. Men aren’t as transparent as women are but they experience it too.
Why should we have to settle? Why are we so afraid to take the time to truly get to know someone before investing our heart & body? Why do we allow our emotions to have power over us? Why do we continue to break our own hearts time & time again? If your desire is to live for God & have Jesus be the center of your relationship, why must you continue to hold on to someone who shows no interest in the Lord let alone marriage (and being engaged just to keep you “satisfied” doesn’t count)? I was one of those who people who was willing to stick around & try to see where we could meet in the middle but it only did more damage than good until I said enough is enough. I need to stop resisting God’s will & learn to fully rely on Him.
I know it’s much easier said than done. I get it! But if you were able to resonate with what I’ve shared thus far, I encourage you to take the time to reflect. Pray. Allow God to show you the way & be intentional about it. Seek for counseling. Find a church where you can fellowship with other believers who can encourage you in the Lord & where you can receive the word of God & be transformed by it. Place your trust in God & have faith that God is not out to hurt you or disappoint you. He wants nothing more than to grant you the desires of your heart but not if it doesn’t align with His will for your life. He knows best. And 100% of the time, what He has for us is far greater than anything we could ever fathom. Let’s choose to let go & let God. Let’s choose to make God our #1 & put Him above ALL things! He is worthy of ALL of the glory, honor & praise!
Until next time, many blessings & much love! – XO
Tonight’s playlist – Victory Belongs to Jesus by Todd Delaney , You Deserve It by JJ Hairston, Youthful Praise & Ever Be by Kalley Heiligenthal