#Repost from IG – 🌿 Y E S T E R D A Y #latepost & lengthy too 😉 – A week ago my entire life changed. I am now a mother of two precious little boys 👦👶. This past week has been filled with all kinds of emotions. Though I am now completely filled with joy, I can’t say the same was true for the last several days. I found myself falling into what felt like a deep depression.
During my pregnancy, I made the decision to breastfeed since I didn’t get the opportunity to do so with Armani. I didn’t realize how hard it would be & the roller coaster of emotions I would soon get to experience. I believe breastfeeding is the most precious experience every mother should get to have with their child. However, I know everyone’s breastfeeding journey is different as it has been for me.
Everyday I found myself becoming more anxious at the thought of feeding him. I was no longer enjoying this bond we were creating with one another because it was beginning to get filled with exhaustion, sadness, guilt, shame & so much more. I know so many amazing mothers who are a champ at breastfeeding who tried to encourage me not to give up & adviced me on what I needed to do to make it easier on myself but that just made me feel even worse about wanting to give up (no fault of their own) because I knew deep down how hard I had been trying but I just couldn’t anymore. I would read testimonies from different mothers who were successful at it & others who weren’t. I was torn because I made myself believe that if I stopped breastfeeding that would have meant I failed him. I cried. I prayed. I cried some more.
Meanwhile, I have another son who needed my attention & affection. Same for my husband. I haven’t allowed anyone to visit us at home due to this funk I had been in along with the recovery process after labor & delivery. I was isolating myself & turning into this person I had never been. It’s crazy to think I’d experience all of this in one week but I’m glad to say that I am no longer beating myself up for deciding to stop & feed my baby boy formula instead.
The guilt & shame tries to creep up on me from time to time but I know I am an amazing mother & that is not defined by how I choose to feed my baby. This is not to discredit the amazing mothers who have followed through with breastfeeding in any kind of way. I think it’s a beautiful thing & I’m grateful to have experienced it. But we should never compare our experience or our journey to anyone elses. This was my mistake but it’s been a learning experience for me. Today, I am able to embrace & enjoy my beautiful family. And I thank God for that. His grace is sufficient & His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses. My heart is full knowing how blessed I am to have an amazing & supportive husband & two precious boys who have me wrapped around their little fingers. Grateful to also have the family & friends I have who have always been loving & supportive. God is good. All the time. ❤ #JacobMelvin #ArmaniLexzander #JaquezFamily #Blessed 👨👩👦👦💕