How much longer?

How much longer until I finally get a break? How much longer until I find someone I can build a future with? How much longer until my heart finally heals? How much longer until I find a job? How much longer until the person I love & care for will make the decision to do right for them? How much longer until I see the desires of my heart come to pass?

You ever felt like you have reached your breaking point & you just don’t know what else to do? You ever felt like you’ve prayed so much & done all you can do but you don’t see anything happening? You’ve ever felt so alone & broken? You’ve ever found yourself on your knees crying out to God & begging Him to take the pain away?

I pray that you find comfort in this post & may it encourage you not to lose hope. I know it’s so much easier to doubt & give up but it takes strength & courage to continue believing. All it takes is faith as small as a mustard seed to move mountains.

I’ve shared this many times in the past but I remember one evening driving home from work & just pouring my heart out to God. I felt like my life was falling apart. I felt like I was losing myself & I just didn’t know when I would finally see the light at the end of the tunnel – if at all! All I knew was that I was tired. I was tired of the heartache. I was tired of crying myself to sleep. I was tired of believing things were getting better only to see them getting worst. I just had enough. I just wanted to be my old self again – happy & full of life. I couldn’t help but literally scream out to God as I banged my fist against the steering wheel & begged Him to save me from the hell I was living – mentally, spiritually, emotionally & even physically. I was at my lowest weighing 105 lbs. I’ve always been thin but I had lost so much weight due to the depression I was in. I needed Him like never before & I felt like He had forgotten me.

Have you ever listened to a song that literally described what you were feeling? Or better yet, an entire album? Home by Anthony Evans is an album I will forever be grateful for. One particular song started playing titled “Silence” & it reminded me that although I couldn’t see a way out, I could still trust that God was with me even if I felt alone & forgotten. As heartbroken as I felt, I felt a sense of peace (His peace) that I can’t even begin to describe. At that moment (while still crying my eyes out), I chose to believe that “this too shall pass” & I would get to see the other side of this huge mountain some day. I chose to walk by faith, not by sight. I chose to trust God even if I felt like He had forgotten me. I chose to speak life to a situation that felt dead. It’s so important to allow yourself to feel what needs to be felt but sometimes your emotions can be deceiving & make you believe that you will never get through this. I didn’t allow my emotions to choose for me, I decided to believe that my God was way too faithful to leave me this way in spite of my feelings. Looking back, I am grateful for those moments because it drew me closer to God & cling to Him. As much as I wanted to be my old self again, little did I know God was molding me into a whole new person. Someone stronger than I once was. It taught me how I could always trust in Him & how I could still praise Him through the storm.

My life isn’t always peaches & cream. I still go through challenging times in my life but with every trial & hardship, my faith in Jesus grows even deeper & stronger. I’ve learned that God is always with me & He will never leave me nor forsake me. I don’t always have to “feel” His presence to know that. I just have to believe that He is (then, now & forever) & that He will make all things work together for my good in His timing. I learned that I should never rely on my own understanding but rather trust that His ways & thoughts are far greater than my own.

I pray that you choose to do the same as I did. Seek God like never before. Place your trust in Him even if everything around you is causing you to doubt His mighty power & goodness. Choose to speak life over your situation. I know it may seem easier said than done but the only other choice you have is to lose hope & delay the many blessings God has in store for you & the lessons that you can gain along the way.

I believe there’s always a purpose in the things we go through. Had I not gone through the many things I’ve been through in my life, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good times & remain strong when they’re not so good. I wouldn’t be able to encourage others who need that push & sense of hope to believe that God IS good & He loves us too much to fail us or leave us. Some people write books & share their experiences. I hope to do so one day but until then I will continue to post & share the journeys within.

I pray that you have been blessed. Feel free to comment below or share this with someone who may need some words of encouragement.

Until next time, many blessings & much love. – 🕇💕🌻

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