When you feel like giving up!

Ever felt like throwing in the towel?! Ever felt tired of fighting?! Ever felt like your faith & hope in God was literally hanging from a thread & all you wanted to do was give up?!

As I shared on my previous post, 2019 was by far the most challenging year I’ve had & not a day went by that I didn’t wake up feeling anxious, tired & defeated. Every day felt like it was on repeat.

Everyday consisted of waking up at 6am to prepare a bottle of milk for my 2 yr old before I got myself ready for the day, make sure my oldest was up & out the door by 8am, I would drop the baby off at the sitter while Edison dropped our oldest son off at school & I would head to work. I would wait for my oldest to walk to my job from school, go on my lunch break at 3pm, pick up the baby at the sitter & stop to get them something to eat before dropping them both off to my grandmother. There goes my hour of lunch only to get out of work at 7pm, 8pm or even 9pm sometimes. Once I got home, I was lucky if I had 10 mins in the shower with zero interruptions. It would be around 11pm by the time I finally hit the bed & do it all over again the very next day.

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“Take me deeper, Lord!”

I came across this song today on my playlist & I was reminded of the day I heard it for the first time. I had this song on repeat for 2 days straight because I resonated with it so much. That same day I had taken some time to journal & I remember telling God, “Take me deeper, Lord.” I desired to know Him deeply & intimately. I felt as though I had only known Him on a surface level but I wanted to go deeper. Mannnnn, I didn’t realize how bold of a statement that was when I made it.

I was anticipating for 2019 to be an amazing year despite how 2018 ended but instead it was the most challenging year thus far. It wasn’t until recently that I felt a shift finally take place in my mind, my heart & in my spirit.

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Lord, how are you going to get me there?

Lately, I’ve been in an emotional roller coaster. One minute I’m feeling encouraged and on fire for God and then the next minute I’m feeling discouraged and stagnant. But I’m grateful that I can always turn to God and He is the same at all times. His grace is truly sufficient and He always finds a way to remind us of this truth. I pray this devotional and song blesses you as it blessed me. πŸ’•πŸŒ»

β€œThe steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,
And He delights in his way.” Psalms 37:23

Some of you are wondering how God is going to get you from where you are today to where He wants you to be. How can He get us from where we are in our current situations, and our current lives to the great destiny, that we know deep in our hearts, God has in mind for us?

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Turning up for Jesus! πŸ™ŒπŸ’“

It’s been a couple days since we’ve been back from our retreat & we are STILL in awe of God. A few years ago, I would have never imagined spending an entire weekend praising & worshipping God. I remember always looking forward to the weekend & making plans to go out & drink/dance the night away. This is not meant to pass any judgement on anyone. I promise. I’m just simply stating facts on how jacked up MY life was & the destructive life I was living.

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Scripture Reflection: Saved by Grace πŸ‘‘πŸ’“

Currently listening to one of my go-to playlists.

A few weeks ago, I began to read the book of Proverbs. I had been desiring for more of God and of His Word. God truly knows our heart’s desires and will fulfill them as He sees fit. Several months ago, I joined a book study at one of my friend’s church and we created a group chat on Whatsapp so that we can stay in communication. One of the girls in our chat encouraged us to join her in reading the book of Proverbs. This was only just a couple of weeks ago and it’s been awesome. When we truly are intentional about spending time with God and reading His Word, the Holy Spirit will give us the understanding we need and will reveal things that can only be revealed to us with His help.

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Transformation πŸŒ»πŸ™Œ

Sometimes Facebook will remind you of some great memories & other times not so great. 2010 was a year full of hurt, emptiness, insecurity, confusion & brokenness. This picture is a reflection of that. Behind that pose, little dress πŸ™ˆ & fake smile was a lost soul who was crying out for help. I was engaged but yet entertaining another man. I would care after my son all week & I would go out to dance & drink about every other weekend. It was my definition of being free & having fun. 😣 I had been lied to & cheated on prior to this & I just became heartless. πŸ’”

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The Call by Isabel Davis πŸŽΆπŸ’•πŸŒ»

Lord, I am here. In awe of Your love. Thank You for the relationship I get to experience with you on a daily basis. Forgive me for missing the mark each & every day. Thank You for Your grace & Your mercy that sustains me day to day. Thank You for being my Rock on which I stand. Thank You for Your Word that is a Lamp to my feet & a Light to my path. Thank You for being my Help in times of trouble & my Strength when I’m weak. Thank you for being my Comforter & Provider. Have Your way in my life, Lord! May the love I have for you grow deeper & deeper. Don’t allow me to become complacent. Continue to be the lover of my soul. I needed you then, I need you now & I shall need you for the rest of my life. I praise You, Lord. I exalt Your Holy Name. You are worthy to be praised. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen!

Heart to Heart – Yara


I was born straight into a broken home. One parent was diagnosed with schizophrenia, battled demons (literally), depression, and drug addiction. The other parent abused prescription drugs and I suspect molestation and who had absolutely no idea what is was to love herself, let alone a child. My mom was 23 when she had me. I don’t know the entire story and I am sure I never will, but shortly thereafter – she became a single mom. My dad lived in Puerto Rico for a couple years, but my grandma (his mom) would pick me up sometimes so that I could have a relationship with his side of the family. I still remember the day he came back to NJ and they introduced me to him. I was so confused, and at roughly 6 years old, had no idea how to even feel. It was fun while it lasted. But because my mom and dad could never get along, my mom turned into this β€œbaby mama” and completely just removed him from my life all together. My mom was a workaholic, and although when I was really young she spent a bit more time with me, as I got older, she would stay at work for about 12 hours and even when she was home, it was obvious she didn’t care much about connecting.

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