Heart to Heart – Yara


I was born straight into a broken home. One parent was diagnosed with schizophrenia, battled demons (literally), depression, and drug addiction. The other parent abused prescription drugs and I suspect molestation and who had absolutely no idea what is was to love herself, let alone a child. My mom was 23 when she had me. I don’t know the entire story and I am sure I never will, but shortly thereafter – she became a single mom. My dad lived in Puerto Rico for a couple years, but my grandma (his mom) would pick me up sometimes so that I could have a relationship with his side of the family. I still remember the day he came back to NJ and they introduced me to him. I was so confused, and at roughly 6 years old, had no idea how to even feel. It was fun while it lasted. But because my mom and dad could never get along, my mom turned into this “baby mama” and completely just removed him from my life all together. My mom was a workaholic, and although when I was really young she spent a bit more time with me, as I got older, she would stay at work for about 12 hours and even when she was home, it was obvious she didn’t care much about connecting.

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Settling for less than God’s best!

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As I was on my way home from work today, I was reflecting on my life these days. I was debating on whether or not I should pull over to make a video or just wait to get home to post on my blog. In the midst of it, one of my close friends who I love dearly messaged me & I felt led to share my thoughts with her. After she listened to my message on WhatsApp, she shared what a blessing it was to her & I give God all of the glory. If you believe this post blesses you, please don’t hold back from sharing it with others who could possibly be blessed by it too.

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But I can CHANGE him!

I remember being with someone who I swore up & down I could help change but instead it only sucked the life out of me in the process. I was so focused on helping him that I lost sight of me & what God was trying to do in my life. I knew deep down it was time to let go but I refused to. I felt I could speed up the process by “helping” God. I would ask family & friends to pray for him. I would send him links to all these different sermons/messages I found on YouTube. Send him scriptures. I would pray & negotiate with God – Yes! I said negotiate – I would tell God I’d do this or that if only He would change his heart & help him see things for what they truly were but the one who needed to see things for what they were & who needed a heart change was ME!! Of course my ex did also but I was much more concerned about him that I didn’t realize how I needed to focus on me & my relationship with God. Here I was entertaining a relationship that I clearly knew (but refused to accept) wasn’t pleasing God.

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